Where is Tequila from?

So yeah, Tequila is only made from Agave tequilana AKA agave azul AKA blue agave AKA Weber agave and that plant has to be grown and distilled in any of the five Mexican states allowed for tequila production. Map below.


Maybe you see on this map that Jalisco who makes Tequila shares a border with Zacatecas who makes mezcal.  Divided by the Boloños river (I didn't label that), these two states may grow the same agave azul, they may live on either side of the river, waving their pointy agave leave at each other for years, they may even be harvested and processed in the same way, but one will be Tequila and the other Mezcal.

The video below better explains the still maps above.


What is the Difference Between Tequila and Mezcal?

What is the difference between Tequila* and mezcal? Dozens of distilled agave plants make up a broad category of spirits called mezcal, an incredibly specific subsection of mezcal is tequila.  A perfect analog is found in whisk(e)y.  Whisk(e)y is a family that includes, single malt, Bourbon, Canadian, Scotch, blended whisk(e)y, Irish Whiskey and I'm getting bored of listing whisk(e)y styles.

 

I'm in Colorado right now.  My dog has been playing with my neighbor's wolf-dog.  It's a fun coincidence because when lil' Pip is doing something extra cute, I will rub her belly and say, "you used to be a wolf."  An overly simplistic metaphor to explain Tequila is here: like all dogs descended from wolves, all mezcal (and thusly, Tequila) descend from one type of agave called Agave** angustifolia, or commonly espadin.  So, when Pippin and Maya are sunbathing, they are a wolf pack.

what is the difference between mezcal and tequila? andrew bohrer.PNG

 

Even though Tequila, specifically the plant it is made from (Agave tequilana, commonly: blue agave) evolved from espadin, Tequila is very narrow.  Not unlike a dog breed, get it? So Tequila is always made from just one plant- Agave tequilana, produced in only five Mexican states and must fit within one of the five styles recognized by the Mexican government.  But what are those states, styles and other whatnots? Tune in later to find out!

 

 

*"Tequila" is a  class of spirits that has a specific geographic origin.  As such, I capitalize it.  You will find most writers do this at random; those people are fucking stupid.  Hey, I have issues with dyslexia, in addition to which, over policing grammar is classist. So, if you ever see the words Bourbon, Cognac or even Scotch, written in lower case, that is incorrect. 

 

**The genus is capitalized in Latin names.

 

 

What Else is in Gin?

Avoid saying "in," rather, ask, "what else in gin flavored with?" Gin is flavored with botanicals.  Botanicals are parts of, extracts from, and essences of plants.  Other than juniper berries, the Traveling Wilburys and Highwaymen* of gin are, coriander seeds, angelica root, citrus peel, licorice root, grains of paradise, orris, cardamom, cassia, and nutmeg.  I use that pop/folk/country/western metaphor because everything in gin, other than juniper, is best known for something else.  But in reality, hundreds of botanicals, of many different species are used to flavor gin with a wide variety of techniques. 

Gin also likes to obscure your understanding further by using botanicals for different purposes.  While juniper is the core flavor, other botanicals are used to accentuate aromas, complementing and or buttressing juniper — I assure you, much of what you attribute to juniper is actually coriander or angelica.  Other botanicals add flavors, but also lengthen flavors and change the way your palate perceives taste.  To tap the most abused cliche in current news: gin is playing three-dimensional chess with your palate.

A favorite flavor, a complicated and tragic story, the Roy Orbison of gin for me, is nutmeg/ mace.  The plant myristica fragrans bears fruit, the seed of which is nutmeg and the arils around the seed is mace.  To remind you, plant: myristica fragrans and botanical: nutmeg and mace.  It seems that few gins use the delicate, spicy flavors of mace, that is more commonly found in Christmas cookies of Chartreuse liqueur.  Conversely, nutmeg is used less as a flavor but more of a way to extend flavors— you know, like how Roy Orbison ends a song.

The history of the second half of the last millennium is found in gin botanicals.  I'm not here to write that book; I don't have the constitution for it.  A historian may take a few thousand words or a whole book to explain it, but I won't: Dutch colonizers killed over 90% of the inhabitants of the small island from which nutmeg originates.  I wasn't looking to just sprinkle a bit 'o death on this explainer; rather, I  want you to take seriously, as I do.  OK, bummer achieved, you earned your martini.

*sorry for the white dude metaphor, but I greatly look forward to the female foil(s) to these powerhouses, perhaps one headed by Beyoncé, another by Rihanna.

 Roses are red violets are eponymous but nutmeg and mace are just fucking gorgeous. 

Roses are red violets are eponymous but nutmeg and mace are just fucking gorgeous. 

What is London Dry Gin?

What does London Dry Gin mean?

London Dry Gin basically means gin with no sugar added.

Many spirits definitions are complicated, tedious laws.  It's the ideas behind them that you need to understand because the laws are for lawyers.  Example: "Is it illegal to punch someone?" Yeah, like most of the time, but sometimes not, like in defense, but mostly, avoid situations that involve punching people.  Laws are for lawyers; punching is for boxers.  London Dry Gin is a legal definition,  of gin, legally recognized in most countries to mean no sugar added.

But that right there, that is where laws get dumb.  Ask any bar nerd, and they'll tell you the same, except, I already falsely informed you, a distiller can add sugar to London Dry Gin: up to .1 grams per liter.  A teaspoon can hold four grams of sugar, so divide that by four, and then divide that by ten and that is the maximum amount of sugar one may add to London Dry Gin, by law.  If you found that tedium interesting, well, you may be more boring than me, hey, want to talk GoT fan theories?  This addition of sugar is essentially a way in which distillers can put a flavorless "fingerprint" on gin to help discern it, on a chemical level, from bootlegged gin.  I ask you, "was that a necessary part of the law to understand?

This why I advocate for ideas.  In a mix of laws and core ethics, there are, to pick a number out of the air, about six styles of gin.  Some of these are strictly defined, some are universal ideas that history and nerds agree on.  Those sixish styles are:

  1. Juniper Flavored Spirits
  2. Gin
  3. Distilled Gin
  4. London Dry Gin
  5. New Western Gin
  6. Gin Liqueurs (which are really just liqueurs)

 

A broad stroke, melange of laws and ideas on what those mean are as follows:

Juniper Flavored Spirits

Long before "gin," we put delicious juniper in beer, wine, and spirits.  Sometimes we distilled it into a complex spirit like genever: a base spirit like whiskey with botanicals like gin, or wacholder: something like a German juniper schnapps.

 

Gin

A spirit that you add flavors to, mostly juniper.  "Gin," is a low bar, if a spirit is flavored with mostly juniper flavor, in any way, it can be called "gin."  This designation is the "pass/fail" of the spirits industry.

 

Distilled Gin

A step up! At least everything that flavors this gin is distilled— but not necessarily in the actual still.  If one takes a neutral spirit, fills a bathtub, and then added distilled juniper, one has, in the Al Capone tradition made distilled gin!  Perhaps is a lowbrow explanation but in reality, there are are many lowbrow distilled gins.  But let there be a glaring exception to every generalization: Hendrick's Gin is distilled is a classic and classy way, but has distilled cucumber and distilled rose petal added after, thus losing its "London Dry Status."  So Hendrick's is terrible.  No! It is just made with different production methods.

 

London Dry Gin

Pretty simple: all botanicals are in the still, and only water may be added after distillation.  London Dry Gin needn't be made in London (most are not), it is not a geographic origin.   The term and the style comes from an attempt to refine gin's image from sugar-sweetened, turpentine blended Old Tom Gins that pedestrians drank in the 18th century.

 

New Western Gin

Yesterday I wore a red aloha shirt featuring the drawings of Ernst Haeckel, with a green sports coat, jeans, and boots, because in America, we do whatever we want.  New Western Gin isn't a legal term, (most of it is considered London Dry Gin legally speaking) it's a style of gin that features non-traditional botanicals.  It's a badge of pride and a mark of derision.  Can't start that rant now.

 

Gin Liqueurs (which are really just liqueurs)

Think Sloe Gin, Damson Plum Gin, and the lost world of fruit gins.  These are gins infused with fruits and sweetened with sugar.  While they could be lumped in with the "just gin" category, they should be respected as quality liqueurs and considered a unique category.

I'd be remiss to not mention and would get "well actually..." comments about omitting the concept of gins that have geographic origins.  I know of two, Xoriguer (geographic origin: Gin de Mahón) from Menorca in Spain, Vilnius (geographic origin is also Vilnius) from Vilnius Lithuania. Plymouth Gin (geographic origin also Plymouth) from Plymouth used to be recognized by the European Union, but the distillery's owners, Pernod Ricard, withdrew the geographic origin.  These are all stylistically London Dry Gins, and while each could have been their own "wanky category of one, " respectfully, I'd say, no. 

Rather, please imagine me speaking as Werner Herzog:

A FAke Quote on Gin from Werner Herzod Andrew Bohrer.png

"Each gin is a beautiful flower, opening and tilting towards the bosom of the mother sun's light, ready to reflect its glowing love back unto a world that seeks to label it and judge its worth. But the flowers defy man's judgment.  They blossom to the love of a cocktail and wither under the cold, ephemeral laws of government categorization." 

Is a Martini made with Gin?

Is a Martini made with gin?

Yes, martini is traditionally made with gin.  But the real question of if a martini is made with gin or vodka is the question of who do you want to be in this world: an ignorant member of the mediocracy are you a fucking asshole?

Here's the thing, no wait, the things, no wait better, here are facts: 

We know the exact origin of very few cocktails that were invented before, I don't know, how about the 1930s.  All we can say is when something was first in print.

Cocktails, like everything, evolve.  "What they was, ain't what they is."  That is to say, tastes change, products change, and even the intention of what cocktails are for, changes.

Lastly, most pre-1940s cocktails that we consider "vodka cocktails" have roots as gin cocktails.

 

But this is the real thing; a Martini was in print, as a gin cocktail, with dozens of variations, for decades before the concept of a  "Vodka Martini."

But here is the other thing, who fucking cares.  The Martini has its origin in at least three different gin cocktails: The Martinez, Gin & It, and the Marguerite (recipes below).  All of these cocktails would get an "um, this is NOT what I ordered," from most Gin Martini drinkers and a speechless bovine stare from a Vodka Martini drinker.  In the 1930s, the Martini settled into being what we now call a "Sweet Martini," that is to say, a mix of gin, sweet vermouth, and orange bitters— with that shitty olive.  These days, all of my East-coast-elite friends never use an olive.

In 1962, Harry Saltzman and Cubby Broccoli penned the most influential biz-dev deal ever when Smirnoff paid to get the ultra-fuckable Sean Connery to order a "Vodka Martini, shaken, not stirred."  This combo of vodka, vermouth, specifically shaken, was already a cocktail: the Kangaroo or a Kangaroo Kicker.  But after James Bond mumbled it, it took gin a few decades to recover. 

More pernicious than this vodka coup was the popularity of the suffix "tini."  It became synonymous with all cocktails spiked with vodka,  corn syrup sweetened, and artificially colored.  Post cocktail renaissance, post-Jerry Thomas themed speakeasy bars, "tini's," have been mostly snuffed out.  However, the scars of disco drinks remain.

enter rambling metaphor

I was at the Bronx Zoo last week; this little kid ran into the room,

"look, daddy, an anteater." Thoughts in my head scream, "that's a tapir you little shit." 

"You're right **insert anglo name,** it's an anteater," dad says. I didn't yell, "Ima call CPS on your dumb ass, can't tell the difference between an anteater and tapir, can't believe you are a parent," but I wanted to yell that.   

But that wasn't what it's about— it was just a (dumb) father and an (adequate) son moment.  What I'm trying to say, is, do you want to be me, angry about tapirs & taxonomy, correcting people about gin and vodka, or do you want to accept that language is alive, it's about communication, being understood, and how things change.  

That and apparently, you can call any animal you are excited to see, "an anteater." 

So look, I drink a martini that is 2 parts high proof gin to 1 part dry vermouth with a lemon zest.  I think any cocktail nerd would be happy with it; I call it the "Michelle is Out of Town going to Watch a Bond Movie Martini."  That said, terrible name aside, that isn't really a Martini any more than a Vodka Martini is a Martini.  Purity is an illusion, pick a point on the spectrum and stick with it.  You can be the asshole that corrects those ordering Vodka Martinis; you could sample the entire "tini" menu, from Appletini to Zetatini or be somewhere in between.

But most importantly, know that an anteater is a common name for an aardvark that is entirely different from a tapir and having that knowledge doesn't give you value as a person.

 

 If you steal this, make a fancy infographic, and don't credit me, I'll tell Adobe that you are pirating their software.

If you steal this, make a fancy infographic, and don't credit me, I'll tell Adobe that you are pirating their software.


These are Martini Recipies

Martinez 1887

  • 2 parts sweet vermouth
  • 1 part Old Tom Gin
  • 1/8 part maraschino
  • 2  dashes Boker's Bitters
  • shake, up

Gin & IT (alian vermouth1890s

  • 2 parts gin
  • 2 parts Italian (sweet) vermouth
  • stir, rocks

Marguerite 1911

  • 2 parts Plymouth Gin
  • 1 part dry vermouth
  • 2 dashes orange bitters
  • stir, up

 

Martini circa 1930s

  • 2 parts gin
  • 1 part sweet vermouth
  • 2 dashes orange bitters
  • shake, up
  • olive

 

Martini circa 1950sI often call this "Embury Dry" after the 1948 book The Fine Art of Mixing Drinks

  • 7 parts gin
  • 1 part dry vermouth 
  • stir/ up
  • lemon zest above glass discard, olive in glass

Martini, Vodka circa 1960s

  • 3 parts vodka
  • 1 part dry vermouth- and less vermouth every year
  • shake/ up
  • olive (s) one or three, never two

 

"Tini" 1980-2000

  • 2 parts vodka
  • 1 part whatever garbage you want
  • barely shake, strain into warm class. hate life
  • probably a gross cherry, maybe some bullshit on the rim

 

Martini, contemporary 

  • 2 parts minimum, vodka or gin- ask
  • 2 parts maximum, but likely less, dry vermouth- many guests want no vermouth- ask
  • 2 dashes orange bitters- or not, unlikely anyone will notic- ask
  • stir for gin, probably shake for vodka- ask
  • rocks or up- ask
  • lemon zest or pre-chilled, rinsed olive- ask

what a dumb minefield this has become

 

Michelle is Out of Town going to Watch a Bond Movie Martini circa Skyfall

  • 2 parts navy strength gin
  • 1 part whichever dry vermouth is freshest
  • stir/ up
  • lemon zest
  • make them very small, have two

What is Orris?

Orris is dried iris root.

Orris is the sexiest mother fucker in the gin bottle.

Orris is a secret agent manipulating flavor behind the scene.

Orris is the botanical behind the botanical, showing up, keeping its head down and making its boss (juniper) look good. 

Ok, specifically, iris padilla is that plant that Van Gough painted, you know, because he wanted to decorate dorm rooms— it's just a simple iris.  But after the florist gets their ephemeral side of the plant, the botanist nails the root to the wall for a couple of years.  The dried, concentrated, woody root can then be ground to powder, used for flavoring and, in the case of gin and perfume, distilled.

Orris is so alluring because its aroma and flavor are so elusive, humans can barely describe it or pinpoint it.  Orris is often described as having fruity, raspberry notes, dried earthy flavor, and a lightly floral aroma.  It's distilled into many perfumes that I'm not paid to mention, look that up on your own.  But to describe orris in the wanky and pretentious way, I want to:

Orris is like a fantastic jazz musician; it's the spaces between the notes that make the real difference.  

I know, you can listen to the spaces between the notes, for free, at home.  But orris is the flavor, the aroma, the intangible, the rug that ties the room together.

 the root matters, the rest is fleeting 

the root matters, the rest is fleeting 

What is gin made from?

It sounds like the start of an excellent nursery rhyme or often overlooked college course, "what is gin made from?"

The answer is vodka.

Gin is made out of vodka.  It was vodka, and then they added flavors, most notably, juniper and that is basically gin.

The absolute basics are: any liquid sugar ferments into beer or wine, a beer or wine can be distilled into a spirit.  Remember, distillation doesn't create alcohol; it just removes what ain't booze from what is.  That spirit is just raw alcohol, in the case of wine, it's in the extended family of brandy (grappa, pisco, Cognac, Calvados, etc.), with beer it's in the massive family of grain alcohol (whisk(e)y, rye, Scotch, Bourbon, etc.).  

Vodka is made from any fermented sugar.  Vodka was likely made initially from rye or wheat— potatoes didn't make it to the old world until six centuries after the advent of vodka.  Contemporary vodkas can be made from, any cereal grain, sugar cane, or any fruit imaginable.  The cheap stuff is mostly made from corn.  

Though the origin of gin wasn't buying bulk vodka and flavoring it with juniper, that is how it's mostly done these days.  Gin distillers purchase neutral grain spirit (vodka before they water it down) and flavor that neutral spirit, which can be made from anything, with juniper and other botanicals.  Adding the juniper flavor to a neutral spirit can happen through many different production methods, but let's just hope they are re-distilling the neutral grain with dried juniper berries.

Juniper berries are incredibly acidic and bitter.  Products aren't made from juniper; they are flavored with juniper.

So, again, what is gin made from?  

Gin is a neutral spirit, flavored with botanicals, most notably, juniper.


Or

Gin is the most common flavored vodka.
 

Juniper juniperus communis gin beriies Andrew Bohrer.jpeg

Can Campari go bad?

Can Campari go bad?

A lot of people search for if spirits can go bad.  Because most answers are wrong, let me be clear:

Yes, absolutely, spirits and liqueurs can go bad.

But spirits don't go bad in the way you think they go bad.

People that say spirits are static and don’t change after opening, not to put too fine a point on it, are fucking stupid.  Or, they are oversimplifying a complicated concept, which is a type of stupidity I call “lazy ignorance.”  Spirits massively change when opened and even change when unopened— the process may however take many years.

The one way that spirits and liqueurs don't change is their age statement.  A 10-year-old whisk(e)y that you've had for an extra twenty years isn't a 30-year-old whisk(e)y.  It's still a 10-year-old whisk(e)y, but now it's a vintage bottle of 10-year-old whiskey.  The age statement refers only to how long a spirit or liqueur is aged before it goes into the bottle.  Other than this exception, everything changes.

"Does a spirit or liqueur go bad?"  Sorry to be a lawyer, but you need to define "bad."  

  • Does it turn to vinegar? No
  • Does it get moldy? No
  • Does it go off like how you think of wine or beer goes off?No

So how does a spirit like whisk(e)y or a liqueur like Campari go "bad?"

  • Does alcohol evaporate in spirits? Yes, though it can take years, unless...
  • Is it wrong to store spirits is sunlight? Yes, though less delicate than wine or beer, the higher alcohol content in spirits makes them more volatile and will expedite evaporation.
  •  Do spirits oxidize? Fuck yeah, the more of the booze that has left the bottle, the more susceptible the remaining spirit is to oxidation and evaporation.
  • How long does it take for a spirit or liqueur to go off? Depends on how sharp your palate is.  Maybe a couple of months, perhaps several years.  My rule is: if the bottle is more than 2/3 empty, you need to finish it with friends or put it in a smaller container or flask.
  • Why did my bottle of St Germain/ Chambord/ fruit liqueur turn brown?  Products made with fresh fruit or flowers lose "freshness" and will oxidize after a year or so even when preserved by sugar and alcohol.  They don't go "bad," they go "different," and the change will be more noticeable on the nose.

But wait, I was asking if Campari goes bad?

You are correct, here I was, mansplaining all over the place, but you needed background information.  A mostly full bottle of Campari kept in a cool, dry place, out of direct sunlight, will not go "bad."  It will however change, it may take years to notice a change, but it's happening. Furthermore, most spirits industry professionals agree that the longer spirits are rested in glass (bottles, jugs or inert steel tanks), the better they become.  The practice of resting (aging happens in wood, resting happens in bottles) herbal liqueurs like Chartreuse or bitter liqueurs like Campari creates clear flavor differences.  Why? Currently, it's because of magic, but when we understand the hows and whys, it will be because of science.

Should I drink the 40-year-old bottle of Campari that I found in my dead aunt's liquor cabinet? No.  You should make a massive batch of Negronis and share them with friends and family.

How do you make a Campari Soda?

I think it's time to take a position of no stupid questions.  Why?

Well, aside from the fact that you can order a pre-bottled Campari & Soda in many countries, perhaps you've seen lamps made out of Campari Soda bottles?  Chances are that isn't what you have on hand.  In a rare change of form, I'll answer the question before telling a rambling story. A Campari Soda is just 1 part Campari and 2 parts soda.  But, the way to take the recipe seriously is:


Campari Soda

Fill a highball glass AKA tall/ collins/  glass completely with ice, then pour

  1. 1 1/2 ounces Campari

  2. 3 ounces pre-chilled soda water

  3. stir to mix into a uniform color and top with an orange or lemon zest

no straw, almost every cocktail is better without a straw


So yeah, it's not dumb to ask, a cocktail isn't just ratios, it's glassware, presentation, the way you treat ingredients and the thousand tiny decisions you make on the way.  It's really the only difference between a pro and a rookie— understanding many decisions are made to create a simple result.

 simple templates and tips of aperitivos (aperitivi) highballs, spritzes, Negroni-style and bitters/ aperitvo/ amaro spiced exotic cocktails

simple templates and tips of aperitivos (aperitivi) highballs, spritzes, Negroni-style and bitters/ aperitvo/ amaro spiced exotic cocktails

So for real, honest truth: fuck a Negroni without Campari.  That said, Cappelletti makes a better spritz, Melleti 1870 has great spicy notes that I think would be better for fruit juice cocktails.  Gran Classico is thick, hold up well to cocktails served on ice.  St George Bruto has an herbal, fir note that I think it great in stirred drinks.  Punch reviewed many of the red bitters on the American market, check that piece out here.

Cual es la receta para un Negroni?

That’s how the question read on Google Trends.  To just run around the room with my red string, connecting dots, I’d start with: Spanish speaking people want to know how to make a Negroni.

Hola camarero, eres mi familia. ¿No eres un barman? Todavía me gustas porque quieres saber cómo preparar un cóctel clásico. La receta para un negroni es simple.

 

Vierta 1 parte de ginebra, 

1 parte de vermut rojo y

1 parte de Campari

en un vaso pequeño con hielo, agregue un toque de naranja o limón.

 

En los Estados Unidos, dicen "mi barman lo sirve, sin hielo". Eso es tonto, todo el mundo bebe Negronis en hielo, excepto en los Estados Unidos.Pero solo di eso rápido en español y aléjate.

Anyway,  hope that helps.  If the other reason this question is showing up so often is that Negroni drinkers are traveling to more, well great.  Negroni drinker, fear not, if you see a bottle of Campari, you can safely order a Negroni because a) it’s a popular search term in many languages and b) like so many classics  THE RECIPE IS ON THE FUCKING BOTTLE.  

Are Campari and Aperol the same thing?

No, clearly they aren’t, one is Aperol and the other is Campari.  They are different proofs, flavored with different ingredients, and they were created by different people.  However, they are both red, bitter liqueurs from Northern Italy that you mix with soda or as a spritz, as an aperitivo before dinner.  That and they are both currently owned and produced by the same company.

 

So, to amend that, yeah sure, they are the same thing.

 

They are very broadly, both a member of the bitter liqueurs family, arguably an amaro (amari is more of a digestivo), more specifically a “red bitter” aperitivo (before dinner) liqueur of which there are dozens.

 

I don’t know exactly what people wanted to know when they googled “Are Campari and Aperol the same thing?”  But to answer that with another question:

“Is a Shih Tzu and a Pekingnese the same thing?”

 

No, those are two different dog breeds.

 

Or,

 

Yes, they are both ancient Chinese dog breeds, loyal and lovable, and they are as delightful as they are fluffy.

Are there bugs in Campari?

No Campari, doesn’t have bugs in it, anymore.  If you are in a dive bar that has pour-spouts on everything, then, I can assure you that bottle of Campari has graveyard of fruit flies in the bottom of the bottle.  

 

You may have heard that Campari is colored with red beetles, that used to be true but Campari stopped the practice of using bug-based food coloring in 2006. However, many spirits were, and some still are colored with a little red South American bugs that look like beetles.  The cochineal bug is smaller than a pencil eraser and lives on nopal (prickly pear) cacti.  

 

When you see “carmine” on an ingredients list, that means your cranberry juice, paper dye, lipstick, textiles, orange cheese or red pastry also has little ground up red bug bits.  I have an imam, a rabbi and a vegan on retainer (not really) to comment on questions about if carmine is halal, kosher or a bummer, (technical terms) and they specifically say: “maybe.”  Some Muslim and Jewish people say bugs shouldn’t be consumed, some rabbis say eating bugs where it was traditional is fine, and vegans can consult their conscious knowing that “carmine” = “dead bugs.”

 

But, most of the Campari in the 21st century is bug free.

Related Queries 

Related Queries is a simple compilation of me looking up questions that people actually google rather than that wanky, self-congratulatory think pieces that myself and others like to write.  “Oooooo, I’m so smart, check out my hot take,” ugh, that's like all there is left.  I’ll leave that shit to twitter.   This is a place for simple, brass tacks answers to everyday questions.

 

It's also just a way for me to write every day to avoid depression.  Now that you can tell I'm being honest, let's get started.